lightningthief: (did Hades just erupt out of that fire)
I'm nervous.

Things don't often make me nervous. I've fought a dragon, stolen Zeus's Master Bolt, barked orders at monsters, had the heavens fall down on top of me...a lot. And for the most part, I don't get too nervous. I'm not one to dither around unsure of myself.

But walking up to Thalia's door has me tensing up and wanting to just cut and run.

I shouldn't be here. In fact, she could lay into me for going back on my promise. I told her I'd leave all of them alone and stay out of their way. But I can't. Not anymore. Every single day on Tabula Rasa has been more or less gut-wrenching. I've been stolen from my last moments before the doom of myself and the doom of everything to stand around and see my former friends living here on this island. Granted, my friendship with Percy had been pretty much all a lie, but Thalia and Annabeth were my family. I told my dad they were my family. On the island, I've never admitted to anyone about all the sleepless nights, about all the soul-searching, about the constant anguish, about all the longing to go back to the good old days and forget the titans and gods.

But if I can't forgive myself, how could I possibly ask anyone else to?

But yet, here I am, about to ask Thalia Grace if that's just what she wants to do. After trying to kill each other, and me about to destroy the pantheon and world, why not ask my old friend, the one with the temper, the one who told me I broke her heart, while I am completely unarmed, to just kick back and have some laughs. This is stupid. This is so very, very stupid. But I'm at the door. Gods and titans, satyrs and nymphs, I am at her door.

There's this split-second moment where I've got to choose: knock and nearly count on making things worse, or run like Hades. Like mom always said, I'm the one headed straight towards Doom with a capital D, so I find myself knocking. I nervously swap the bag I'm carrying into my other hand as I wait to see if she shoots first and asks questions later.
lightningthief: (can I just hate you to death)
So.... day one hundred thousand billion of seven hundred zillion on Tabula Rasa. What do I do today? I'm bored of swimming. I've done quite enough combat dummy construction. I just had a sparring session with Seifer yesterday. ....books?

I made my way to the Compound rec room and consult the bookshelf. I know I'm asking for it, but boredom drives one to do things, you know? Hmm...

Big Red Tequila? Nope. Widower's Two-Step? Don't think so. The Last King of Texas? The Devil Went Down to Austin. What is it with these books today? I'm not in the mood for Wild West, okay? And, unfortunately, the bookcase doesn't seem to be giving me anything in ancient Greek. So, squint time I suppose. If I find anything...

A comic book? Sure. Whatever.

I take it out and lean back against the wall of the Compound. I open it and begin reading. I'm a bit ADD, so as time passes, I start swinging Backbiter around while I lean back and read. I'm aware that nobody's near me, so my sword isn't going to kill anyone. Accidentally, anyway. The comic book is mildly entertaining. A heroine named Cassie has taken on the name 'Wonder Girl' and is flying around doing her superheroine thing. But the more I read it, the more I start thinking that this is just the same kind of crap the gods push on the children in Camp Half-Blood. Use your powers to serve Us. Go do battle with whomever we sent you off to fight because you're always good and they're always bad. Because you're not our expendable pawn at all, you're a Hero. And Everyone wants to be a Hero. So, we'll just sit here on our duffs feeding off the fat of the land while you bust your butt and risk your life for no apparent reason. When you're dead, we'll just find a new Hero.

So my natural inclination is eventually to start rooting for the bad guys. I go through another page and roll my eyes. Olympus is actually in the story. Apparently, Wonder Girl got her powers from Zeus. Fantastic. Superb. Now I'm reading with a bit of disgust. The way everyone bows down to and respects that old tyrant sickens me. Zeus isn't that different from Kronos. They can both go to Tartarus for all I care. Then I come to the big climax. Wonder Girl is Zeus's daughter. My hand tightens on Backbiter's hilt. Oh, now I've really got it in for this stupid story and this hero. What kind of crap is this anyway? I don't even want to read anymore. I let it fall to the ground.

"Die, Cassie, die!" I say then take Backbiter and shove the sharp tip right into Cassie's fool head.
lightningthief: (hey)
It's a lonely, stressful life for me on Tabula Rasa.

I know a few people who I'll talk to here and there who don't know much about my past. The ones who do? I've been avoiding them. Just like I said. I rationalize that I'm doing them a favor. That I'm doing it for them. I'm not able to directly face the fact that I'm doing it for myself. It's much too painful for me to come to grips that my revenge is going to consume them all. It's unavoidable, and I'm beginning to think that the reason I'm here is to suffer from guilt for all the things I've done, and what I'm about to do.

But Gabrielle is right. I need to get my mind off it as much as I can. So, I'm out back behind my hut doing something constructive. I've borrowed some tools from the building crew, and I'm using them to construct practice dummies for combat training. I've even got plans to make something similar to the lava wall. I know we can't use actual lava like we used to at Camp Half-Blood, but I'm thinking of rigging something with water or mud. It's a plan in progress. Seifer will get a kick out of it all, I'm sure.

I've already completed some human-sized dummies with wooden frames and sack-and-straw bodies. I'm on to a larger cyclops-sized dummy now, which is why I'm dragging a very large log. It takes longer with just one person doing a two person job, but it seems I've got all the time in the world. As I'm heaving this thing along, I catch sight of a person coming.

It's Annabeth.

My jaw begins to drop, but not as fast as the log drops onto my foot.

"Ow! Blazing Tartarus!"

I manage to free my foot and then drop to one knee. It hurts. This is one big reminder that I'm just not as quick as I used to be back home.
lightningthief: (Default)
So I've temporarily borrowed a small knife from the kitchen to keep around just in case.  Ever since my arrival here and bumping into Percy and Thalia, self-defense has been on my mind.  The small knife isn't much, but I keep it concealed.  What I'd like to do is make myself a decent sword.  Sonya Blade told me that there is a blacksmith's forge around, but I don't have any metal.  That's why I made my way over to the scrapyard.

I quickly note that it is well guarded by a pack of dogs.  It wouldn't be a good idea to just take something from here.  So, I'll just talk to the owner and see if we can work something out.  I heard his name is Duo.  It's a strange name, but I realize that people here can come from any place and any time.  If I can make some sort of arrangement, I can get a piece of good steel, make a sword, and quietly put this knife back where I found it.

The scrapyard is larger than I imagined.  It looks like there's a huge robot lying in ruin, like something out of an anime.  It makes me wonder where and when it came from, and what it was used for.  Walking around to the front entrance, I look to see if Duo is around.

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July 2014

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